Empty Nesting Sucks Big Time

This is the most difficult thing, letting your kid go. It hurts so bad. I don't know how to act anymore, what to say, what to do, what not to do. It seems I'm a hateful bitch, an intruder, too needy (<--all my interpretation), I interfere and I'm rude. The impression I get is, 'we love you but we don't want you hangin' around too much, we don't want you to expect much of us and we will let you know when we're ready for you.' Don't get me wrong, she is a good girl and she is thoughtful and caring. I know she is pre-occupied with being newly married and trying to adjust to a new way of life. I guess I am expecting too much...

but...

I find myself clambering for every opportunity to make myself think that they need me. I run when she's sick and feeling bad, I run when her car breaks down and offer mine just so I can feel loved and needed. I don't feel like me anymore, I've become a wretched old sack of a soul that has to grovel for self-worth. Everything I was has been replaced. I've become a stranger.

We've tried talking things out but this last time I was left feeling uneasy. Although, we all parted on seemingly rosy feelings, I am still left knowing that I am hateful and rude because I don't get what I want. What I want is to feel that I'm still momma, that I'm still needed, and that I'm appreciated. Words are not enough for me, I want actions. Am I selfish in that area, maybe, yes. Maybe this is so because I express my love by actions more than by words and I think that's what I should receive in return. I need to learn a different way. I need to learn the way of words, yes words will be the new way for me. I will express my love with words, minus the deeds. I will quit expecting, I will be satisfied with what I do get.

I will get past this. They say time heals all wounds. Hopefully it will because, man, this really sucks.